Russian Roulette

Fans are still thinking about the offseason and espousing that the Dodgers need to sign a couple of starting pitchers. This is especially true after Julio Urias was arrested yesterday under charges of Felony Domestic Violence. They throw out names like Jack Flaherty, Marcus Stroman, Jordon Montgomery, and others. I would liken signing any of those guys to playing Russian Roulette. After you sign them, most of the time, you will end up with fewer brains! That reminds me of a skit by the Comedian Wild Bill Bauer about Russian Roulette.

I have never played the game, and nor will I ever play it, and I think Andrew Friedman is smart enough not to play it as well. If you want to get a glimpse of starting pitchers whom Andrew Friedman and Brandon Gomes might acquire, look no further than the past five:

• Lance Lynn (Total Cost: $7.5 Million) – He is a solid pitcher who was having his worst year, pitching in an expiring contract with no further obligations. The Dodgers were hoping that a tweak here and there could make him an effective starter – so far, it is working! The $7.5 million listed as his contract ($6.5 Million pro rata) will likely be bought out for $1 Million Dollars. The Dodgers are not going to pay him $18 Million for next year… maybe $10 Million!
• Noah Syndergaard (Total Cost: $13 Million) – Thor came to the Dodgers with the hopes he could be fixed. Sadly, it was a total failure. But AF got Ramirez for him… so there is that!
• Tyler Anderson (Total Cost: $8 Million) – Tyler was the total antithesis of Noah Syndergaard. He came to the Dodgers with a career ERA of over 4.25, and the Dodgers weaved their magic with him. However, they refused to sign him to a three-year deal, and he left… only to revert back to what he once was.
• Andrew Heaney (Total Cost: $8.5 Million) – He was another success story… until he got hurt.
• Trevor Bauer (Total Cost: $65 Million) – Andrew Friedman was prepared to pay him $105 Million over just three years, but we all know what happened, as he was a total bust for the Dodgers. Never speak of this again!

One only has to look at the past to figure out what is going to happen in 2024. You are playing Fantasy Baseball, but Andrew Friedman is playing Reality Baseball. Lots of and here wished for Stephen Strasburg, who was fresh off carrying the Washington Nationals to a World Championship in 2019 and was the MVP. The Nats signed him to a $245 Million deal, and he has never thrown another pitch. He is now out of baseball, and the Nats have to pay him every dime.

Quick! How many long-term Big Dollar contracts with pitchers pay off? Gerrit Cole… maybe, but beyond that, it is a game of Russian Roulette! The Yankees signed Carlos Rodon to a deal through 2028, which pays him $140 Million after this season, and he has been total crap! Plenty of Dodger fans begged AF to sign him. Let me give you some advice: Don’t play Russian Roulette! Keep growing your own! Sign a “Project” occasionally – if they don’t pan out, it doesn’t hamstring you. Anderson, Heaney, Syndergaard. Oh, you will hear that the Dodgers are “in on X Player” – that is just Russian Disinformation!

The Dodgers might sign Lance Lynn for the right price, and there might be another signing, but most of you won’t like it. It will be for someone like Tyler Anderson, and people with sight will not like it. Andrew Friedman has vision. Grow them on the Farm and maybe trade for or buy a pitcher you believe has “upside.” Stay away from Free Agency. It ain’t “Free.”

What About Julio Urias?

I have NO OPINION about Julio. Maybe he is a woman beater and a misogynist, or maybe he is not! There are plenty of wife-beaters out there, and they need to be throttled. I would give them a choice of prison or having someone beat the hell out of them. It’s never OK to beat a woman (and it’s never OK for a transgender man to compete with real women … but I digress).

On the other hand, maybe his wife is Fucking Crazy, and when she doesn’t get her way, she does this stupid stuff. It does happen. Men are not perfect, and neither are women. I have no clue, but if he beat her, then shame on him. It could also be a “shame on her.” This requires Due Process of Law as guaranteed by the 14th Amendment! The Fourteenth Amendment’s Due Process Clause guarantees procedural due process, meaning that government actors must follow certain procedures before they may deprive a person of a protected life, liberty, or property interest.

Julio was accused of a misdemeanor once before, but she said that she “slipped.” Whatever! I have no clue what is happening, but if he sticks with her and she is that freaking crazy… that is on him! It could be totally on him… or it could be on her. Time will tell… maybe!

We know very little about this, so I will not jump to any conclusions.

Jimmy Buffett’s Newest Song