Mouth Breather

DISCLAIMER: I swore long ago that I would never write this… BUT, here I am doing it! I could not resist. Also, I am truly sorry if I offend anyone.

Many years ago, when my wife had a series of ice cream shops, she hired a new girl, and I asked how she was doing. Her response was, “She’s a mouth breather.” I was not initiated into that vernacular, so I asked what that meant. She said, “Look it up,” so I did!

The insult “mouth breather” implies that a person is unintelligent or foolish. While it’s technically a literal description of someone breathing through their mouth, the pejorative use suggests that they lack common sense or awareness. Essentially, it’s a way of saying someone is “dumb” or “stupid.” I am the master of saying things others are afraid to say.  Let’s get right to it.

I don’t know Dustin May. He may be a very intelligent person, but when I watch him pitch, I see a “mouth breather.” If you say that you haven’t thought the same thing, you are a damn liar! Many people believe that those who breathe through their mouth are less intelligent because they didn’t know enough to breathe through their nose like a normal person. See, I don’t know if Dustin May has a 106 IQ or 163 IQ, but when you look like a mouth breather, you fail to instill fear into the other team. Mouth breathers appear to be dull and unintelligent!

Looks matter! I am a 72-year-old, six-foot-tall, 215-pound man. When I walk into a room, no one cares. However, twenty-eight years ago, when I first got married, we went to a party, and later on the way home, my wife said to me, “When you walk into the room, you scare the hell out of people.” Back then, I was 6’4″ and 265 pounds and believed I could whip anyone in front of me… and I acted like it. It was a bad optic for me. I thank her for breaking me of that habit! Looks matter!

I wish Dustin May were not a mouth breather. Some individuals breathe through their mouth due to various reasons, including nasal  blockages, habits, or underlying health conditions. Nasal congestion from colds, allergies, or sinusitis can make breathing through the nose difficult, leading to mouth breathing. Habitual mouth breathing can also develop, especially in children with nasal issues that lead to a preference for breathing through the mouth. In addition, certain health conditions like sleep apnea, enlarged adenoids, or tongue ties can contribute to mouth breathing. At 6′ 6″ tall and with a blasing fastball that he sometimes can’t control, Dustin May would would scare the hell out of other players if he weren’t a mouth breather. Looks matter!

A Menacing May, not breathing through his mouth would be intimidating to other players. Stop the mouth breathing and act like a bad ass, Dustin!

Dodger News & Notes

• On another note, if Hyeseong Kim keeps this up, how in God’s name are you going to send him down? You’re not!
• Nick Sensel hit a Grand Slam last night at OKC and drove in 5 runs. Calm down – he’s hitting .172!
• The GOAT pitches today!
• Teoscar Hernández, who has been on the 10-day injured list since May 6 with a left groin strain, will begin a rehab assignment with Single-A Rancho Cucamonga on Saturday and can possibly be activated as soon as Monday, according to Dodgers manager Dave Roberts.
• Roberts mentioned that he’s hopeful Tommy Edman will be activated for Sunday’s series finale against the Angels.

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