Baseball Funnies

Got a gift from a friend, a book called, “The Baseball Hall of Shame.” There are some very amusing stories in it pertaining to major league baseball. Some involve some of the better players who ever played the game. And some involve guys you might never have heard of. So here are a few just for laughs.

On April 6th, 1940, at Griffith Stadium in Washington, D.C., President Franklin Roosevelt was in attendance for opening day. And like five of his predecessors, FDR was set to throw out the first ball. The tradition had started in 1910 when home plate umpire, Billy Evans, walked over to the president’s box and on the spur of the moment, handed the ball to President William Howard Taft, and asked if he would like to throw out the first ball. He said yes, and the tradition was born.

Like all of the previous five, FDR was right-handed. Unlike the previous five, FDR uncorked one of the worst first-ball throws in history. With the Senators and Red Sox lined up near the president, he uncorked a throw that smashed into the Washington Post’s photographer, Irving Schlossberg’s camera, and broke it. In his letter of apology to Schlossberg, FDR joked that he declined to pay the damages because Schlossberg had taken such poor photos while covering the White House.

Kevin Millar, who now works for the MLB Network, has always been sort of a character. In 2002, Millar was a member of the Florida Marlins. Hoping to get an edge on opening day in Montreal, Millar put deer urine on his bat.

Millar, who was born in Los Angeles, had moved to Texas. One time his Texas buddies and he went hunting. His friends told him to put deer urine on to attract the bucks. Not knowing that he was just supposed to put a couple of drops on his shoes, he put it all over himself like one would cologne. His hunting friends laughed quite loudly.

” I realized I was not cut out to be much of a hunter.” he said. “If I killed a deer, I would probably be down on the ground apologizing.” Figuring that if the urine could attract deer, it might attract hits, he decided to try it on opening day in Montreal in 2002. Now, just how he managed to get the urine through customs and airport security has never been explained.

So, he put the urine on his bat, hoping for the best. Unfortunately, it did not work; he went 0-3 with a strikeout in a 7-6 Marlins loss. He told reporters after the game that he might have put too much pee on the bat because the odor got to him during the game. He also said that it soaked into his batting gloves and made his hands smell. ” When I wiped my eyes, it smelled so bad, yeah, I put too much on.”

Not necessarily a blooper, but definitely a bad idea, was Bill Veeck’s wacky idea for a Sox uniform with Bermuda shorts. Veeck even designed the uni. In the summer of 1976, Veeck introduced Bermuda shorts to the major leagues. The uniforms had Navy blue shorts, white shirts with wide collars, and blue lettering to show our wares. All it ended up showing was a lot of knobby knees and red faces.

Before they debuted, a reporter went around asking the players what they thought of their new threads. Reactions were mixed. Some liked the idea, others hated it. Ken Brett, a pitcher who would spend some time with the Dodgers said, ” I’ll wear them, but I am not leaving the dugout.” Fellow hurler, Dave Hamilton saw the good and the bad, ” I don’t think I will look good in them, I have bird legs, but maybe when the batters see me, they will get distracted.”

In the first game of a doubleheader with the Kansas City Royals, the Sox took the field in their new togs. They would win the game, 5-2, but most thought it was because the Royals were bowled over laughing. Insults were flying that day. ” You guys are the sweetest team we have seen yet!” said John Mayberry. He also yelled at Ralph Garr, the Sox speedy outfielder, “Hey Ralph, if you get to first, I am going to kiss you.” He didn’t keep his word. Between games, the players ripped of their uniforms and put on long pants. Manager Paul Richards said, “It was getting to cold to wear shorts.” Most believe it was the players were not happy being humiliated.

Lee Lacy, the former Dodger, and Ronny Cedeno, who played for the Cubs, both share a dubious distinction, they were both called out at second, on walks. In 2007, Cedeno was a pinch runner representing the tying run in the 9th inning with one out and the visiting Cardinals in front, 2-1. With a 3-2 count on the batter, Jacque Jones, Cedeno took off. Because he was running so hard, he slid past the base. SS David Eckstein took the throw from Molina and tagged Cedeno out.

Cedeno claimed that the ball was dead because it was a walk. But Cardinal manager, Tony LaRussa, knew better and so did crew chief, Larry Young. “The runner is entitled to second base on the walk, but that is it. If he is off the base, he is fair game.”

28 years earlier, Lacy committed the same mistake because he did not keep his eyes and ears open. Playing the Reds, it was the fourth inning, and the Reds were leading 4-3, but the Pirates were threatening with Lacy on first and Phil Garner on third. There were 2 outs, and Omar Moreno was at the plate with a 3-1 count.

When Fred Norman delivered the next pitch, Lacy took off for second in an attempted steal. Johnny Bench instinctively fired the ball to SS, Dave Conception and umpire Dick Stello called Lacy out. But Dave Pallone, the plate umpire had called the pitch a ball. Instead of checking to see the home plate umps call, Lacy left 2nd and began trotting off of the field. Moreno was still standing at the plate.

When Lacy realized he had walked, he began to scramble back to second, but Conception tagged him and Stello called him out again. The play triggered one of baseball’s longest arguments in decades, 34 minutes. Tanner, the Pirates manager and Lacy claimed that Stello misled the runner when he called him out. The umps ruled that Lacy was originally safe when he got to second, but when he vacated the base, he was fair game.

My last blooper also features a former Dodger, Tommy John. John was pitching for the Yankees against the Brewers in May of 78. John’s control that day was masterful, but in the 4th inning, he fell apart like a cheap toy and tied a record that had stood for 90 years.

With 1 out in the top of the 4th, and the Yankees leading, 4-0, John walked Jim Gantner. The next batter, Jeffery Leonard, hit a little dribbler back to the mound that should have been a routine out, but John bobbled the ball for an error.

Gantner had already reached second, and Leonard first, when John, known for his pinpoint control, fired the ball past Mattingly down the right field line. Gantner rounded third and headed for home, with Leonard going to second.

Right fielder, Dave Winfield retrieved the ball and was in line to gun down Gantner at the plate, but John unthinkingly cut off the play, he then guaranteed his place in history by wheeling and firing a perfect strike……..into the Brewers dugout. Gantner had scored, and Leonard, who was on third, was waved home by the umpire for the second run.

The embarrassed pitcher, who had gone to cover home plate after his third error, muttered to home plate umpire, Rick Reed, “I think I just lost a Gold Glove on that play.” Truer words were never spoken. I hope you guys enjoy these stories. They show that even the greatest can make mistakes. Babe Ruth was once thrown out trying to steal second in the World Series. The bad news was that it was the last out of the series, and the Yankees lost.